Wednesday, November 30, 2011

an ugly message

I received an ugly comment on my blog tonight and they informed me of how they no longer would read it which was interesting becasue it was someone whom I already blocked from facebook and have no other relationship with! I am hurting..its my first all coming at once without Sophee and so maybe my feelings are not graceful but they are mine and all of it is a part of the greif to get to a place where the pain is bearable...this person has said several times that she hope I heal soon from Sophee's death...hey p.s. I will always have a scar! And birthdays, holidays may aggrevate the wound.  I am so sorry to the Lord only for not always being graceful...but He loves me and He forgives me.  I was thrown off by the fact that Sophee's first birthday had no baby in a high chair, no gifts on the table and no candles on a cake.  I am very grateful for though those who prayed for us thru the week...it got us thru it ALIVE!  and our hearts are pieced a chip back (with glue and all around the edges) knowing that we are going to get through all of these tough times!  I am always thrown off when someone says to me I should be healed or Sophee is in a better place...I believe in Jesus Christ!  Of course Heaven is a better place and I am sure she doesn't want to be back on this Earth but for a grieving momma...simple statements that say I am thinking of you or praying for you are all that is needed sometimes!  My feelings are raw and certain things do bother me...such as a comment someone had left about how sick Sophee looked (this was even after she was home from the hospital from her heart surgery) and that they were glad she was no longer here...I know they didn't mean harm by it...but I commented to what the person said about at least she wasn't suffering anymore...how many of you Trisomy mommies would have thought your child was better off becasue they look sick to someone else...To us she looked perfect and good and they hadn't even ever seen the bad...and the friend who was actually a real friend just took Sophee's picture down and got angry at me! Until you have lost a child judgment should be far from you!  Even then everyone grieves differently! The only hope we have is to keep our angel's memory alive in the hearts of those who loved them and that one day we will be reunited with them.  I got a thoughtful card, several beautiful messages on facebook from lots of people for warm wishes for Sophee and how much she meant to them, even got a few gorgeous gifts and Sophee got balloons galore and flowers at her grave! I don't care if I ever receive gifts on her special days but it is a gut wrenching pain knowing that she doesn't get them...one of the people who I am referring to would have been at her first birthday with a card I am sure but she didn't even say happy birthday on my or Sophee's wall...My mom wouldn't have been out of town, she would have been here to celebrate a miraculous first birthday! And I have the right to grieve all of that! And grieving all of that is part of my healing...and I no matter how long will always miss the baby I held and cuddled and nursed! So for those of you who don't like my blog please do not read it...I don't want to hurt you and my blogs up until this one have not been directed to anyone...just my plain and ugly emotions!  People can handle the happy feely stuff but the ugly parts about life, such as choosing em-bombing fluid for your child or not...or how to pick the perfect bow to go on her in her casket...hush Summer hush!  They actually have written books about what not to say to a grieving parent!  Published books!  So why is it that I am targeted for saying that something bugs me? It's my life, I try to tread lightly and again I am not always graceful!  But to want to start a war on a blog of a dead child is insanity! Quite reading!  Thank you to all of you who just love me  no matter how ugly things seem!  I love you Sophee~Blessings to you and Jesus

9 comments:

JAMIE said...

I love you .... muah....

Slagle Family said...

I love you! And no person can tell anyone how to feel or how to grieve, I am thankful for your raw emotions and words they are real, I keep so much of mine down deep, for it is very much frowned upon 4 and half years later to "still be grieving" HA it is going to continue until the day I die, Esther is my child and she isn't here, none of it is right or make any sense. ((HUGS)) and you keep on writing I'll be here for the bad and the good I accept you just how you are.

Ria said...

Summer, I am so sorry you received those hurtful comments. We are in enough pain without the negativity. I get that crap from my mother all the time (she is my harshest critic, and as it turns out she is hosting a christmas party on Nalah's Angelversary to distract herself) and it hurts so much to be judged like that. I for one appreciate your honesty and that you share your emotions. It is refreshing to have someone be open about their grief, rather than bury it because it is not socially acceptable to grieve or not follow some ridiculous idea of 'moving on'. I personally think Time does NOT heal, we simply learn to live with the pain in different ways. I know my pain will accompany me to death, when I hope to be with my Nalah again. My grief counsellor agrees, he says that grief is a process of alternating between devastation and restoration, back and forth, like a winding road. There are no timeframes, and 'moving on' is unrealistic. The person(s) who said these things obviously know nothing about grief from their own personal experiences. Also, losing a child is not like losing anyone/anything else. I love you and Sophee, and I am so sorry anyone has hurt you. Please know I support your blog and am proud of you for writing.

Ria said...

Ria is my nickname. It's me, Marianne.

Zayah said...

You are amazing in your words and I truly hope that this helps others to better understand how hurtful they can be to us grieving mothers. I think you should write a book because you really know how to put it out there. The truth is the loss of a child is the ugliest part of life. There are no butterflies and rainbows to this. It hurts and it hurts bad. You are beautiful Summer and Sophee was even more gorgeous. I looked to help you through this nastiness this other person put on you and look at that, it was you that have helped me.

Personalized Custom Creations said...

shame on them for leaving messages like that! it was completely uncalled for! u keep doing what your doing hun. there is no wrong or right way to grieve and if u want to talk about the lows of life then a true friend should be there to hold u up while u do that. i know some people say things that mean well, but come out wrong and view most of them as small minded ignorant people. i know it hurts summer, but dont let people like this get u down. take care hun!

brigitsmom said...

I am so sorry. Your true friends love you and the rest of them are only hurting themselves by being mean and heartless xoxo

Lauren said...

You are amazing and I love hearing your feelings because they are so much like mine, it's comforting to be able to not feel alone in all of this, and I think I know who you are speaking of, don't worry about that you are such a great person and we love you just they way you are!!

mama2angels said...

what a disgrace that someone has actually posted an ugly comment about your Angel. Hun I am so sorry you had to go through this! Some people are just ignorant! As an Angel Mom I do know the struggle you have to face & if someone disrespected me & my sons I don't know If could've handled it in such a graceful manner as you have, but the fact that you have just shows what a great person you really must be! God Bless you & Let Go & Let God Handle them!! <3 Melanie~ Angel Mommy to 2 Sons

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