I sat in church tonight listening to a sermon about coveting/jealousy and I can get with some of that and that sometimes God answers us no becasue of our motives...What was my motive in asking Him to heal Sophee? To prove He could work miracles, what is my motive in wanting another baby? A small piece back of what I lost! Then the Pastor told us how John and Paul both shared that we could give it all to Him, that we can cast all our anxieties on Him...He can handle that...So I have told God today how much I hate Him, how mad I am and then apologized and started all over again...The good thing is I know He will forgive me, I know I am His but I hurt. I hurt, I hurt that "friends" get angry at me for standing up for my feelings and that people have moved on with their lives and mine is moving on too and that hurts...That is the part that hurts! That Sophee isn't here with me but her birthday is still going to come, Christmas is still going to help bring in the new year! It is inevitable! I hurt all together! I have moments of joy, I love my husband and boys but I also love and miss my Sophee...I know that right now I am sitting in the middle of a HUGE unknown but I know my God is the same today as He as yesterday and that I am going to be able to bring more tot he Lord's Kingdom becasue of all I have been through. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7
this is all I want for next week!
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